In Thin Air
by Magorian
Summary: There comes a point in your life when all your hopes, dreams, aspirations must be abandoned; when you must perform your duty, and allow your life to vanish in thin air.


Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations contained in the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. I claim no credit for them and do not intend to gain anything from writing this other that self-satisfaction.

I am known to people, wizards mostly, around the world as Albus Dumbledore, one of the greatest sorcerers to ever live. I have been given titles and awards and high positions, and even have been given the honor of appearing on a chocolate frog card. I have lived for so long that most everyone has forgotten my past; how I came to be whom I am today. 

I pace my office at Hogwarts. It is very late, almost dawn, but I have not gotten any sleep this night. I am restless. I have been ever since Harry was born almost sixteen years ago. I knew what was in store for him.

I sit at my desk; stroke Fawkes who is perched nearby; fold my hands and close my eyes. For a long time, I was able to remember; to go back to my childhood. It tied me to the present, to reality. I was still young at heart. But for too long now have I forgotten what it's like to feel the wind across your face as you rush to catch the next Quaffle, to worry about class assignments, to feel the soft, tender sweetness of a kiss. It's been too long since I was a child.

I remember how excited I was for Harry to arrive at Hogwarts, safe so far. I thought maybe everything would be alright. Voldemort had not been heard from in several years, and nothing indicated that trouble was brewing. I remember going to him after he had discovered the Mirror of Erised, warning him against it, and even telling him what I saw in the mirror was socks. Growing up, I never appreciated the socks my mother gave me. Not until it was too late to tell her, anyway.

I remember how frightened I was for Harry when he went into the Chamber of Secrets and discovered just who Tom Riddle was. How frightened I was when he didn't wake up at first upon his return.

I remember when Sirius escaped. I remember how much I wanted to tell Harry who this man was, why it mattered so much that he not get caught. I remember making sure he wasn't seen using the Time Turner. I remember how happy Harry was to have someone to love.

I knew, of course, what he was up to over the years. I could have done something to prevent it, but I knew also that no matter what Harry went through, everything would turn out okay in the end if I just allow things to happen without interference, although I did offer help some of the time.

I knew what was in store for Harry, what he was destined to face, and still I tried to change it. In his fourth year, I did all I could to keep him from entering that tournament, to keep him under watchful eyes at all time, to make sure that fate did not win this time. But things played out in their own way, and I began realizing that I was powerless to battle destiny.

That didn't stop me entirely from trying to protect Harry. I avoided him, shielded him this last school year. But even after all the warning—all the classes and cautioning, Harry still ended up at the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic, crushed over the loss of Sirius.

I know I am to blame for that. I knew what was going to happen, but, fool that I am, I didn't take _any_ action! All I did was give him warnings. I should have _known_ that Harry would follow his heart and save Sirius if it was at all possible. I should have just outright stopped him. Then Harry wouldn't be distant and filled with inexpressible emotions, on the verge of snapping and dooming the world for good.

I rise from my desk again and resume pacing over the worn carpet. No one knows who I really am. No one even wonders how it is that I know so much. I remember, as a kid, wanting to be looked up to. I wanted to be Head Boy, star of the Quidditch, team, and everything else that a teenage boy could want. I wanted to be admired.

I run my hands through my once-auburn hair that had turned white with time. It's a strange thing to come to the front of my mind at that moment, pushing aside all other worries that fill my head to capacity. I remember when I had short hair. I give the slightest chuckle, remembering what it was like being with my family, together.

Without giving a second thought, I go to a cabinet along the wall. It is very plain; there isn't even a handle attached. I reach my hand to it, and it goes right through. I can suddenly see all of its contents.

Inside are things that I managed to save from my childhood. After all these years, I have protected these things with my life, not daring to show them to a single soul. They have survived the years with only small hints of their age. I move things aside until I see it, the only very worn object inside.

It's a bundle of photographs, all taken long ago. The edges are tattered and torn, but I can still see the people in them, waving back to me. A deep sadness swells suddenly in my chest and I know that I will never be able to be with these people again. I will never be able to live out the life that I had planned for myself. A tear courses down my cheek as I look into the face of the only girl I ever loved.

Hermione.

And there's Harry as well, standing off to the side, waving back. There's a flicker in his eye that he does not yet have, a flicker of knowing, and acceptance. I had not noticed it when the picture was taken.

I pick up another photo and stare hungrily at it. I would give anything to go back to that time now. To just live the way I wanted. My family is waving up at me. Fred and George, attempting to put each other in headlocks; Ginny; Bill and Charlie and Percy even managed to come to this event. I have forgotten what it was that caused us to be gathered together. My parents were beaming, happy to just be in the midst of all their beloved children.

The day will come when I have to tell them what is in store for them. I have to tell Ron what he has to do, what he has to give up, what he has to become. I have to tell him that he has to tell Hermione goodbye, the way I did so long ago.

One day this war will be over. And then finally I will know what happened to my friends and family, and I will finally be allowed to rest peacefully.

A/N: Confused? Go here- http:// www. knight2king. net/ Knight2King/ Personal56.html . Look around. You might learn something interesting. (There are extra spaces, so don't copy/paste the link).


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